Why the Lord does what He does, I cannot explain. I can only tell you what I’ve seen. However, because of what I have seen, I believe that the end-time prophesies are being fulfilled at a much faster pace, then we can imagine. Joel 2:28 “And it shall come to pass afterward That I will pour out My Spirit on all flesh; Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, Your old men shall dream dreams, Your young men shall see visions.”
The story of Sarah: In 1989 we completed remodeling of our home, including stripping, sanding and staining all the woodwork, We started the project about ten years before, but the time consuming nature of the work kept it from being finished until I quit work and could dedicate my time to it. So, 88-89 were the years of intense work with it. We were going to move to the country and had to finish up to sell it. We then moved and later sold it.
I was now totally exhausted all the time. THEN I got pregnant. I knew my body was not strong enough or well enough for a baby. I don’t know if it is always a practice, but I was asked if I wanted to keep my baby. So here was the question, have an abortion and walk away or have a baby that I knew was going to have problems. Years ago I might have followed the doctor's advice, and believed the lie that what I carried wasn't a baby, but now I am informed. I know that my baby IS a baby--there will be no abortion. With my first child, I was also given this option. Because I was over 30 I was told there was a greater chance of birth defects and labor would be much harder on the mother of a first time baby. I wanted to cry. I was so happy to be having a baby, we had been waiting for seven years and now they are recommending an abortion. But I just said no. Although their stab at my age destroyed my happiness at being pregnant…I just knew the whole world had condemned me—when my baby was born, the world changed and I had a baby in my arms.
Little Sarah, my fourth baby, was born in 1992. She had the most beautiful face, and was such a little baby! Later, one of the doctors told me she had a heart condition. When I asked about an operation, I was asked why would they operate on someone who wouldn’t even live a month. I was shocked and started crying. Sarah’s pediatrician came over and took Tim and me to another room and explained Sarah’s medical prognosis. He said she was handicapped, not just with one handicap, but many. She had a syndrome. He had seen one person with this syndrome and his description of the prognosis was so devastating, it was unbelievable that this little girl could turn into what he just described. A couple of years later I went to a SOFT conference in Chicago and there was a huge meeting room full of children with different trisomy syndromes and there was none of which the doctor had described.
After Sarah’s birth, we marveled at her abilities when she first came home. She was little and very agile, but we had to tube feed her to begin with and then we went to little bottles, made out of tubes with little nipples. However, she needed an operation. At the conference, years later, we found that the operation is usually done right away, but our doctor, I guess, thought she would heal herself. I wrote the original story of Sarah with much detail as a chapter in a life booklet that was a draft, but never published. In the original version, I was told --and this is not good or bad-- that my description of what happened showed I did not forgive the doctors. So I condensed, as I will do now.
Sarah’s life was tragically altered after the operation and ICU stay. When she finally came home she was not the same little girl. She could no longer look us in the eye—and never would again. Her oxygen sats were now between 50-70, sometimes going up to low 80’s. When she first came home she was almost lifeless, then we just held her and loved her and fed her little feedings starting with 2 – 3 an hour and gradually increasing as she got her strength back. I would spend a great amount of time walking her, while holding her canula tubing so that I wouldn’t trip over it or jerk her head when I stepped on it. As she became stronger, she loved being carried around as I accomplished things. She loved attention from the other kids and she liked it when I cradled my arm like a little throne and let her sit in it. She was so funny. She, also, loved to swing. We had gotten her a little Raggedy Ann doll and I tied it to the rope on her little swing (the red swing that attaches to doorways). I looked up one day and there she was swinging and she had reached up and was HOLDING Raggedy Ann’s hand.
We now had homecare come in for respite times. I had guard drills so would take off and afterwards I would be so glad to head home to her. I was worried the whole time I was gone. There was something so special about the love of this precious, fragile child. We then found a pediatrician that accepted Sarah and had only her best interest at heart. There were a lot of trips for ear infections, and many other medical conditions. We, also, found a caregiver who absolutely loved Sarah, so now there was no fear to leave her in her care so that I could accomplish my tasks.
One day I was sitting and rocking and holding Sarah (I would read to her or make up little plays for her with her little stuffed toys, or just rock and watch tv while she played.) We were sitting there and I felt Sarah looking at me. I looked down and in that moment a most awesome feeling came upon us. For a moment I felt some kind of wrong feeling try to get in but I immediately pushed it out without recognizing or knowing it. (I can't think how else to describe this and it was so momentary, I mostly forget about it.) Then there was a static like sound and in that instant a brilliant white light radiated out of Sarah’ eyes. I could not longer see Sarah, only this brilliant light with its rays beaming out. The light was intense and I stared unblinking. How long I stared I don’t know, but the intensity was amazing! Then I dropped my eyes for a moment and the light was gone. We were now in what felt like a cloud of love. I knew we no longer had to be touched or held to show love – it was complete – we were content. The dryer was going downstairs and now it buzzed that the cycle was over. I had to walk to the lower level to get the clothes. I got up and I felt my legs walk, but they were numb and heavy. As I descended the stairs, I felt myself walk out of the cloud of “heaven”. When I came back upstairs, the cloud was gone.
How long after that before she died, I don’t know, it could have been 2 months or 6 months. The night she died we rushed her to the hospital and she was put into ICU, and there the doctor on call wanted to observe only. I sat by her bedside. Tim went home to get the kids to school. Hours went by and I dozed off, suddenly I awoke realizing no one had fed Sarah. Then Sarah woke with a cry. I got out her formula and started to fix it. The nurse came in. I pickup up Sarah to feed her and she almost passed out. I told the nurse to get the doctor, she said she didn’t want to wake the doctor unless something was going on.
Sarah took one little drink and her eyes rolled back and her sats dumped. The nurse went to call, but I knew it was too late. As the nurse phoned, I turned to Sarah and suddenly I felt a strength come over me. My back was to the staff and I felt myself shut them out. I felt a heavy weight, as a cloak, lifted from my shoulders. Then a surge of strength entered me and went up my back. It felt as though my soul just opened up and it was just Sarah and I in spirit. Then the nurse came back and I watched Sarah’s sats and heart monitor drop and flat line. “Code Blue” was sounded and then everyone was there.
I prayed that God would take her now. Before, I had always prayed for Him to heal her, if that was His will. I knew there was no way Sarah could survive what they were doing to her, especially in her fragile condition. There was a huge lump in my throat and I could not stop them. Finally, it was over and they turned to ask me if I wanted to hold Sarah.
She was buried on a bitterly cold day. Because the ground was frozen, they left Sarah’s casket above ground until the groundskeeper could bury her. I had put her only in a summer outfit and it felt as if a knife ran through me not knowing if she could feel the cold or not.
Paul tells us that we can be confident that when we die, we will be in the presence of the Lord. 2 Cor. 5:7 “For we walk by faith, not by sight. 8 We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.”
Jesus, himself, tells us where we will be when we die: Luke 23:43 “And Jesus said to him, “Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise.’” Paradise means “Garden of God”.
Reading one of Jesus’ parables we find a description of Sarah in the vision. “Matthew 13:24 Another parable He put forth to them, saying: ‘The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field; 25 but while men slept, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat and went his way. 26 But when the grain had sprouted and produced a crop, then the tares also appeared. 27 So the servants of the owner came and said to him, ‘Sir, did you not sow good seed in your field? How then does it have tares?’ 28 He said to them, ‘An enemy has done this.’ The servants said to him, ‘Do you want us then to go and gather them up?’ 29 But he said, ‘No, lest while you gather up the tares you also uproot the wheat with them. 30 Let both grow together until the harvest, and at the time of harvest I will say to the reapers, ‘First gather together the tares and bind them in bundles to burn them, but gather the wheat into my barn.’”
Jesus explains the parable to His disciples later:
“36 Then Jesus sent the multitude away and went into the house. And His disciples came to Him, saying, “Explain to us the parable of the tares of the field.
’37 He answered and said to them: ‘He who sows the good seed is the Son of Man. 38 The field is the world, the good seeds are the sons of the kingdom, but the tares are the sons of the wicked one. 39 The enemy who sowed them is the devil, the harvest is the end of the age, and the reapers are the angels. 40 Therefore as the tares are gathered and burned in the fire, so it will be at the end of this age. 41 The Son of Man will send out His angels, and they will gather out of His kingdom all things that offend, and those who practice lawlessness, 42 and will cast them into the furnace of fire. There will be wailing and gnashing of teeth. 43 Then the righteous will shine forth as the sun in the kingdom of their Father. He who has ears to hear, let him hear!”
Verse 43 -- There is our vision with Sarah!! How many times do we read about things in the Bible without really listening or giving an ear to understanding. Jesus was talking to us. What He says is what WILL be.
For me to heal took a long time, but the Lord was there, and He walked us through those long days and healed us with His love. There is a shock that comes with the loss of a loved one, and that-- only God can heal.
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